Category Archives: Rants and babbles

Nature

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Some days you just get signs that say go back  inside….6148c42beb8eb5f1fb5e8de85767a790

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Things that make me wonder about people today…

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Student Busted Exposing Himself in Yearbook

A 16-year-old Chicago high school student is facing a disorderly conduct charge after administrators caught his attempt to expose himself in a yearbook picture.

According to the Chicago Tribune, after the yearbooks were printed last month, Maine South High School superiors noticed the student apparently exposed his genitals through his shorts in a team picture in a way that “appears to be intentional.”

Police took the student into custody May 15 at the school, a police source tells the paper. The school caught the prank before the books were distributed to students, but spent around 14 hundred bucks to cover or remove the picture.

 

Lawyer Arrested After $100K, Hangover-Style Hotel Room Razing Smash

A California lawyer has been arrested for not paying up after allegedly doing nearly 100 thousand dollars in damage to a Las Vegas hotel suite after a night of Hangover-style room trashing.

The Las Vegas Review-Journal reports Los Angeles-based attorney Robert Pearmanwas charged with malicious destruction of property caused in a three-bedroom, nearly six thousand square foot suite at the Encore hotel on March 30.

At least five people were staying in the room with the 45-year-old, who, while apparently drunk, told police officers, “I take full responsibility for what happened here. We were partying.”

The hotel claims the inebriated attorney threatened to, “depose [hotel owner] Steve Wynn, and make this place Napalm,” when his night of fun came to an end.

The hotel claims the 45-year-old never attempted to repay the hotel for the damage done to the room — which included smashed glass, food all over the walls, and more.

 

Hairy Situation: Clerks Assaulted, Pepper Spray, in Hair Heist

A pair of thieves, one female, one male, are wanted for assault and the robbery of cash — and human hair — from a Chicago store. WBBM-TV is airing surveillance video of the crime, in which one suspect was spotted “casing” the Morgan Park beauty store before another rushed the counter. While the male put a gun to the back of one clerk, the female sprang into action, hitting another employee in the throat and spraying her in the face with pepper spray.

In the attack, one of the clerks was knocked unconscious, the male suspect raided the register, and fistfuls of human hair — worth thousands when made into wigs and weaves — were stolen.

 

Kids Tipsy After Restaurant Swapped OJ for Mimosas

Two parents in Rochester, New York, are steamed because their three young children got buzzed when a local restaurant accidentally served them mimosas instead of plain orange juice.

According to WHAM-TV, when the DeRoos family sat down to brunch on Sunday,Jeremy and Dawn‘s kids said their juice “tasted funny,” but the parents didn’t think anything was amiss until they overheard other patrons complaining the juice had champagne in it.

The parents said the kids slept for most of the day and acted “hungover” the day after. The owner of the restaurant eventually apologized, comped the meal, and promised to re-label the juice jugs to avoid a similar mix-up in the future.

This Day in History

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Music History for Thursday, 5/30/13

2010 – After years of trying to have more children, singer Celine Dion and her husband-manager Rene Angelil announced through their rep she was 14 weeks pregnant with twins.

2009 – Ozzy Osbourne filed suit against Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi over royalties and over ownership of the band’s name.

2008 – Green Day had the number one album in the country with their 8th studio album, 21st Century Breakdown.

2000 – Sax player and vocalist Tex Beneke, who took over leadership of the Glenn Miller Orchestra after Miller died, passed away at age 86.

1999 – After a bomb threat, more than three thousand people had to be evacuated from a Kenny Rogers concert at the Royal Albert Hall in London.

1999 – In New Jersey, Lenny Kravitz walked offstage after 40 minutes and collapsed from heat exhaustion.  He had been performing in a fur coat.

1999 – Faith Hill had a surprise guest as her opening at her show at New York City’s Beacon Theater — her husband, Tim McGraw.

1997 – Neil Young canceled his European tour because he had cut his finger while slicing a ham sandwich.

1993 – Avant garde jazz great Sun Ra died at the age of 79.

1992 – Paul Simon married Edie Brickell. It was the 24-year-old Brickell’s first marriage and the third for 50-year-old Simon.  One of Simon’s exes was actress Carrie Fisher.

1990 – Midnight Oil closed down 6th Avenue in New York City as they played a protest concert in front of Exxon’s offices in reaction to the Exxon Valdez disaster.

1988 – George Michael had the number one song with “One More Try.”

1987 – Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz was arrested for allegedly hitting a female fan during a concert in Liverpool, England.

1973 – “My Love” by Paul McCartney & Wings was the number one single. It was McCartney’s first number one with his new group.

1966 – Dolly Parton married her husband, Carl Dean.  They’re still married today and have no kids.

1963 – Lesley Gore had the number one single with “It’s My Party.”

General History for Thursday, 5/30/13

1922 – The Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in Washington.

1937 – Ten people were killed when police fired on steelworkers demonstrating near the Republic Steel plant in South Chicago.

1958 – Unidentified soldiers killed in World War Two and the Korean conflict were buried at Arlington National Cemetary.

1967 – Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, California.

1981 – The president of Bangladesh, Ziaur Rahman, was assassinated in a failed military coup.

1991 – The Supreme Court ruled prosecutors can be sued for the legal advice they give police and can be forced to pay damages when that advice leads to someone’s rights being violated.

1996 – Britain’s Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson were granted an uncontested decree ending their ten-year marriage.

1997 – Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, New Jersey, of raping and strangling a seven-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder inspired “Megan’s Law,” which requires communities to be notified when sex offenders move in.

2001 – Basketball great Moses Malone entered that sport’s hall of fame.

2008 – The film version of HBO’s series Sex and the City premiered in theaters, raking in 55.7 million dollars in its opening weekend.

2010 – Officials announced the Seychelles Coast Guard and the Australian Navy stopped separate pirate attacks in the Gulf of Aden, officials.

2011 – German Chancellor Angela Merkel pledged to end nuclear power by 2022.

2012 – Charles Taylor, former Liberian president, was sentenced to 50 years in prison for his role during the Sierra Leone Civil War.

Super cute frog!

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So cute! This is a video of an African frog! I think this is super cute myself!

 

 

Read more about it here:

 

Tiny frog with a strange squealing cry takes Internet by storm

By: Pete Thomas, GrindTV.com

Now starring wildly on the Internet is a tiny frog with the ability to puff up its body and produce a squealing cry that is intended to either advertise for mates or ward off potential predators. However, for people, the sound is more likely to inspire smiles and laughter, or be regarded as highly annoying.
This footage of the desert rain frog was captured recently in South Africa by Dean Boshoff, a wildlife photographer in Durban. He describes the sound, jokingly, as a “mighty war cry.” The clip has garnered more than 1.3 million views on YouTube.

The burrowing sand frog has been widely described in media reports as a Namaqua rain frog (Breviceps namaquensis), but an expert told News24 that it’s actually a desert rain frog (Breviceps macrops), which is similar.

Professor Alan Channing, an author of three books on African frogs, also said that the sound the frog was making is a distress call and implied that it might have been bothered by the close presence of the photographer, which it perceived as a predator.

Channing explained that all frogs call out in the same manner: by pushing air from their lungs over vocal chords.

Whatever this particular critter was trying to say, it sure seemed to be getting its point across.

 

To smoke or not to smoke? It should be your choice!

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State wide smoking ban? Seriously why don’t you just leave people alone it is their choice and personally I don’t think the government has the right to tell business owners they have to be smoke free. I personally do not smoke but I have family members and friends that do and I don’t think they should tell business owners what they can do on their own property. If a business wants to be smoke free they should be able to but if they welcome smokers that is also their choice.

Proposed statewide smoking ban clears Kentucky legislative panel

By Beth Musgrave — bmusgrave@herald-leader.com

FRANKFORT — A legislative panel approved a measure Thursday that would ban smoking inside public places across Kentucky.

House Bill 190 would protect nonsmokers from secondhand smoke while allowing people to light up outside, said state Rep. Susan Westrom, sponsor of the measure.

This is the second year that the House Health and Welfare Committee has passed a statewide smoking ban sponsored by Westrom, D-Lexington. Gov. Steve Beshear has backed the initiative, and he mentioned HB 190 on Wednesday in his State of the Commonwealth speech.

The proposal has never been voted on by the full House, and it would probably have a rough road in the Republican-controlled Senate.

Senate President Robert Stivers, R-Manchester, said that the government shouldn’t tell businesses they cannot regulate smoking on their own property.

House Speaker Greg Stumbo, D-Prestonsburg, said he supports the measure and that sponsors are working to see whether the bill has enough votes to pass the House.

“I think they’re close,” Stumbo said.

Republican Rep. Julie Adams of Louisville, a co-sponsor of HB 190, said 300 organizations have backed the Smoke-Free Kentucky initiative, and polls show that the majority of registered voters support a statewide smoking ban.

Twenty-nine states have passed statewide smoking bans, and 24 have passed bans that are similar to HB 190, she said. And 22 communities in Kentucky have passed smoke-free ordinances, Adams said.

“This is a mainstream issue,” Adams said. “The Kentucky General Assembly is way behind the general public.”

Four Republicans on the committee had reservations about the proposal, saying they had difficulty balancing the need to protect public health with the need to protect the rights of businesses and individuals.

Rep. Tim Moore, R-Elizabethtown; Rep. Robert Benvenuti, R-Lexington; Rep. Ben Waide, R-Madisonville; and Rep. Addia Wuchner, R-Burlington, ultimately did not vote on the legislation. The measure passed 11-0.

Beth Musgrave: (502) 875-3793. Twitter: @BGPolitics. Blog: Bluegrasspolitics.bloginky.com.

Giant Snowman

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Giant Snowman

So my boyfriend and his cousin decided to build a snowman, okay thats normal right? Well he built it in the back of his truck and guess what its 8 1/2 feet tall….yeah so you can imagine it turns some heads when we are going down the road! But it made it to the local news to well after a massive campaign! He was so disappointed last night when it didn’t make it on there but it did today and they used the photo I sent lol! I may or may not have tweeted the meteorologist last night the picture lol.

WKYT 27 NEWSFIRST

 

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But here are some more and you can also go to Yard Boys Lawn Service on Facebook to see more!

 

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Strange Kentucky Laws

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So here are some of my states “fun” laws they have passed that I know off  lol

  • Throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison. (Repealed, 1975)
  • No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
  • It’s illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
  • Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
  • All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)
  • No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
  • It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
  • Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars.” – KRS 436.140 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1974)
  • A Kentucky statute says: “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.” Later, an amendment proposed: “The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses.”
  • Lexington

  • By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
  • It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

    Owensboro

  • A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission.

Kentucky Kicks Ass

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So apparently these guys do not like our new state slogan…I mean it fits and I personally don’t see anything wrong with it but these guys do make a point whats the point of having a slogan if  do one associates it with you?

Where to Find Them: 

Kentucky for Kentucky Facebook

Kentucky for Kentucky

About

A Kick Ass Commonwealth Since 1792.
Mission

To engage and inform the world by promoting Kentucky people, places, and products. And to Kick Ass for the Commonwealth.

Description

Kentucky is an awesome state.

Kentuckians have created some of the greatest cultural influences of all time. We first sung Happy Birthday, we first fried chicken, we first slapped high fives. We invented bourbon, bluegrass music, and the motherfreaking Kentucky Derby. We birthed cool with Clooney, Depp, and Hunter S. Thompson. We nurtured beauty with Loretta Lynn, all the Judds and Diane Sawyer. We championed sport with Ali, Sea Biscuit, and Rondo.

We are the real deal. We’re Kentucky.

General Information

A Kick Ass Commonwealth Since 1792.

We are believers, promoters, and producers for the great Commonwealth of Kentucky. We are Daniel Boone, Abraham Lincoln, Muhammad Ali and George Clooney. And we are proud of our Commonwealth.

So whether you’re from Renfro Valley, Pikeville, Louisville, Lexington, Frankfort, Shelbyville, Corbin, Owensboro, Winchester, Bowling Green or any other of the hundreds of great towns or cities in Kentucky (or want to be a part of something big), come join us as we celebrate Kentucky’s awesomeness.

ky4ky-lower-graphic

Rebranding Kentucky

How would you describe the Commonwealth of Kentucky? Would you mention fried chicken, George Clooney, or bourbon? How about bluegrass music or Muhammad Ali, NCAA Basketball Championships or the mother-freaking Kentucky Derby?

Does the Commonwealth’s current slogan “Unbridled Spirit” best describe Kentucky? Sure, it’s clever (Unbridled Spirit = horse + bourbon), but does it make you want to visit? Would you wear it on a shirt? Will it ever be big in Japan?

Google “Unbridled Spirit”, and the first result is for horseback riding lessons in San Antonio, Texas. That’s no bueno.

So, in 2004, why did the Commonwealth use half a million of your hard-earned tax dollars to develop the “Unbridled Spirit” brand for Kentucky?

Kentucky for Kentucky has been tasked with developing a viable brand and tagline for the great Commonwealth of Kentucky. Our goals are simple: increase tourism, attract new business, foster pride, diminish stereotypes, unify the Commonwealth, and distinguish Kentucky from any other place on the planet.

  • Step #1: We talked to some of the coolest, most admired, most kick-ass Kentuckians (and a few non-Kentuckians) we could find, and we asked them to describe Kentucky in a few words.
  • Step #2: We partnered with Cricket Press and went to work developing this tagline into a kick-ass logo.
  • Step #3: Along with your help, we’re gonna turn up the volume and let the world know: KENTUCKY KICKS ASS!

Enjoy, and Thanks!

Whit, Griffin, and Kent
Kentucky for Kentucky

Straight Crushing It for The Commonwealth since 1792.

Special thanks to Governor Steve Beshear, the Kentucky Department of Tourism, all the kick-ass Kentuckians that participated in these interviews, Ian Friley of Kong Productions, Brian and Sara Turner of Cricket Press, Jason Kaufman, the Internet, the Commonwealth of Kentucky, and George Clooney.

 

In case you where wondering what the state slogans are or if for some reason you don’t know your own!

 

State Slogan
Alabama Sweet Home Alabama
Alaska North to the Future
Arizona Grand Canyon State
Arkansas The Natural State
California Find Yourself Here
Colorado Come to Life
Connecticut Still Revolutionary
Delaware It’s Good Being First
Florida Your Florida Side is Calling
Georgia Georgia on My Mind
Hawaii The Islands of Aloha
Idaho Adventures in Living
Illinois Mile After Magnificent Mile
Iowa I()WA
Indiana Restart Your Engines
Kansas As Big as You Think
Kentucky Unbridled Spirit
Louisiana Pick Your Passion
Maine There’s More to Maine
Maryland Maryland of Opportunity
Massachusetts It’s All Here
Michigan Pure Michigan
Minnesota Explore Minnesota
Mississippi Find Your True South
Missouri Close to Home. Far from Ordinary
Montana The Last Best Place
Nebraska Possibilities…Endless
Nevada Discover Your Nevada
New Hampshire Live Free and…
New Jersey Come See For Yourself
New Mexico New Mexico True
New York I Love New York
North Carolina A Better Place to Be
North Dakota Legendary
Ohio So Much to Discover
Oklahoma Oklahoma is OK
Oregon We Love Dreamers
Pennsylvania State of Independence
Rhode Island Unwind
South Carolina Made for Vacation
South Dakota Great Faces. Great Places.
Tennessee We’re Playing Your Song
Texas It’s Like a Whole Other Country
Utah What People Are Talking About
Vermont Vermont, Naturally
Virginia Virginia is for Lovers
Washington Say WA
West Virginia Wild and Wonderful
Wisconsin Live like You Mean It
Wyoming Forever West

Random Quotes

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So I have the habit of if I hear a quote I like or think is hilarious I will put it down in a note and this is the random list that I have complied thus far. I’ll be honest some of them are stuff my friends and family have said put most come from shows and most of them I have no idea lol.

-She is cheap wine that gives you a headache that you can feel in your teeth!!!

-Short version or long complicated version?

-What’s wrong your blow up doll run off with a pool toy?

-I’ve been hurt by you so much I’m pretty much a scab

-What are you doing?!?
-Having dinner?
-No that’s suicide with meatball bullets!

-That’s your cousin?!?
-Choose your next words carefully…

-Your apology is noted and your forgiveness is pending

-I feel like I’m going all in on a pair of tens

-And by small you mean astronomically large?

-What we aren’t dating! I don’t have to pay attention to you!

-Now the only thing to do is drink until the part of the brain that makes mental images is dead!

-Your like micheal jacksons father your abusing me right now!

-He is like the KGB he’s everywhere

-Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
*shakes head in disbelieve*
-No I am not!

-He’s quiet he’s happy let’s not rock the boat!

-Where else can you buy so much hope for so little? (talking about a gas station with lottery tickets)

-You still shoot the ducks. I just row the boat!

-Objection it’s just rude to acuess me of murder!

-I haven’t had sex in a year (cuts of quickly)
-Where are you going with this

-Just because I talk slow doesn’t mean I am

-Become your own buffy and fight your own demons…

-We don’t have hell we have acid reflux (Jewish)
-Oh god I’m in Jewish hell (taking about heart burn)

-Well it looks like we killed the pig and no one wanted bacon

-Why do you make me be mean to you

-Anybody know what time it is in Mexico?
-Cantena time

-Even arms dealers need groceries

-Some people play checkers while some of us play chess…

-Let’s find out how far inside the castle walls this Trojan horse has rode.

-We aren’t working hard enough if no one is trying to kill us

-I’m aware that you speak several languages. As far as I know I haven’t used one you don’t know.

-Thanks for the tip Martha Stewart

-He can get you anything you want for a price. Anything…but the price is far to high to pay.

-Live dangerously is my creed

-What happened to protocal?
-It went out the perverbial window

-It’s my experiance if you drive at someone they’ll clear out

-Your a good kid but today is a good day to grow the hell up!

-Fair winds and following seas

-you got to let a lot of old stuff go and  learn a lot of new stuff to fill it’s place.

-yes the hair! It’s one of the things that makes me happy

-it could be worse there could be brain leaking out of my ears…

-there is definently something wrong with this guy!
-why is that?
-He listens to folk music.

-he’s meaner than a shot grizzly

-shoot him daddy!

-your my father so if you love me you’ll shoot him!

-he said it again! Shoot him!

-what am I some sort of Chinese food prostitute?

-he has an overactive bladder when he is stressed…much like a puppy!

-and here I was just getting used to my door being treated as a door…

-hey we where just easedropping like little girls

-I’d tell you it gets better but I’d be lying…rum helps though..it helps a lot

-so your innocent
-like a puppy…well like the puppy you use to run into the bushes to make all the birds fly out so you can shoot them …

-I’m sorry your girlfriend turned out to be a cylon (sp)

-I would like to find the men that did this and put their heads on spears
-Is that what you did in the old days?
-They changed the rules not I

-I need to get tipsy before I gets drunk

-I just emptied my car into my purse

-You know how many zeros I have?

-I’m gonna trap stamp that truck up real quick!

-I think my balls are too heavy! (Bowling balls)

-We are going to get then to put our racks up!

-Shaquietta!

-If there is a bone sticking out I look skinny! Put it on Facebook!

-Chip chip cheerio!

-Can you bring your c game over to my side!?

-Your a bowl shark!

-But don’t bump it in the car at mcdonalds!

-I still have my d game on

-We are after whatever we can find…

-Sharpening the spears in gonna have to wait

-We can ruin your career and we can defiantly ruin your life.

-In your career how many men have you shot?
-Shot or killed?

-Even if this place burns to the ground that vault would still be standing

-Do you here that? That is the sound track to the rest of your miserable ilife!

-You can’t outrun your shadow

-Who that guy? He’s stupid!?! Did you see his glasses?

-I know we messed up and that was unfortunate

-I hear familiar giggling

-Did we break any biblical laws?

-That’s not a party that’s a hostage situation!

-You have the spine of a gummy bear

-A person gets a look in there eyes when time is running out

-It was a moment of whimsey

-What are you doing?
-I have no good answer…

-The only feeling you distill in me is need to flee!

-Christianity spreads like that shit like herpes
(random guy in class)

-Eyes forward bottom feeder

-rule number 35: always watch the watchers

-how can something with such little ears have such bionic hearing!?

-Doctors appointments are like marriages. it’s an unpleasant commitment

-This is like probable cause on wheels!

-I know your having a disturbingly difficult time with this

-If anyone is going to ruin my sons wedding it’s me!

-If you play in the weeds your gonna get ticks

-That’s rope music! It makes you want to hang yourself

-I’m not particularly listening

-You hit me
-I was trying to save you!?!

-I spent that last two days trying to pretend I didn’t see the look in his eyes…the look of betrayal

-you saw what you wanted to see

-Just don’t get dead

-I need a hug
(Looks back at empty room)
-sorry I have company
(Shuts door)

-I don’t know what color lonely is
-what?
-red is angry green is jealousy blue is sad and yellow is frightened I guess we could assign a color for lonely

-my recommendation is you gobble these up like tic tacs

-your whimsey is boundless

-gals? Who are you Fred flinstone?

-I can’t do this anymore I’m a good girl! I went to catholic school!

-Is there a station somewhere were I can board this giggle train

-omg you are going to gibber gabber about gibber gabber!!!

-Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend are hanging out together…that can only be good for you….

-it’s like he is trying to win a prize

-They making sheet music?

-pulling one out of your play book is he?

-are you hoping these ghost tell you what you want to hear?

-there is a  ancient greek phrase burned onto the back of the vault door
-What does it say?
-I don’t know it’s in ancient Greek

-you know what else narrows it down? He’s a Titan!?!

-You and me are the center…
-And the center must hold

-president pictures you say?
(talking about cash)

-man up! Or at least boy up!

-that’s not a word
-it came out of my mouth didn’t it?

-I’m always under pressure! I feel like I live in a pressure cooker!?!

-He looks like a fireman!!!!!

-we will talk tomorrow
-don’t threaten me!

-Recon? what are you black ops?

-if your gonna be a bear be a grizzly!

-I can’t take you to dinner dressed like a street urchin we will stop by your house and get adult clothing

-If someone has the bubonic plague they aren’t invited to the party

-you always have a choice and you have already made it

-distrusting me was the smartest thing you did since getting off your horse

-I have a touch of hangover don’t push me

-If we live through this remind me to thank you

-you heard what I spelled!

-you need to find your inner sex goddess instead of the little league coach

– he’s smart and crazy enough he might have actually created a monster

-and your covered in gas which I think is interesting

-your like my brother we hang out and drink beer

-news flash girls don’t like the three day rule it just makes us angry

-you don’t know nothing about nothing and I know that for a fact

-that’s it a rabbit! A big fat rabbit with all it’s shots!

-you have never understood politics have you
-no I understand I just don’t care

-I’ve always said one thing you can never go wrong investing in colts and winchesters

-Short version or long complicated version?

-What’s wrong your blow up doll run off with a pool toy?

-I’ve been hurt by you so much I’m pretty much a scab

-What are you doing?!?
-Having dinner?
-No that’s suicide with meatball bullets!

-That’s your cousin?!?
-Choose your next words carefully…

-Your apology is noted and your forgiveness is pending

-I feel like I’m going all in on a pair of tens

-And by small you mean astronomically large?

-What we aren’t dating! I don’t have to pay attention to you!

-Now the only thing to do is drink until the part of the brain that makes mental images is dead!

-Your like micheal jacksons father your abusing me right now!

-He is like the KGB he’s everywhere

-Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
*shakes head in disbelieve*
-No I am not!

-He’s quiet, he’s happy! Let’s not rock the boat!

-yes we have weapons no you can not wand us (walking through metal detector)

-he just blew up the plan!

-I knew a lynch once…you remind me of him

-You couldn’t see it if you saw it!

-Everything thats happened to me and I get shot by a child!!

~She’s lying!
~Maybe they tend to be vindictive when they find out you’ve been cheating on them

-no I’m not scared I’m rationally concerned!

-honestly?
-(lifts eyebrow with sarcastic look) no lie to me

-sometimes you have to look at the reality in front of you and accept it

-you won’t get a scene you’ll get a broadway musical!

-when are you going to stop lecturing me?
-when you start listening!

-don’t you ever read my blog!?! *much quitter* it’s gotten a lot better

-let’s go brainstorm
-that will be a light drizzle…

-he is speaking the international language of awoooga!

-I’m to damn short to see anything

-Dang Chere sorry for startling you when you’ve been traumatized

-were all just people

-I like to think of life as a scavenger hunt as a posed to a a surprise party

-that would knock a buzzard off a gut wagon

-you can’t fight me your miniature!

-some of your skeletons still have skin

-you will eat whatever I bring you and like it!
-yes we will

-why do you assume it was me?
-I’m an old woman don’t waste my time!

-I wanted to take a stick and blind myself!

-those must have tastes nasty!
-oh they were nasty they tasted like roasted dust bunnies..

-he must have friends in high places…I mean nose bleed high

-are you insane they have worked themselves into a man hating frenzy by now

-you said with the biting tone of a old bitty

-I’m glad i put on my lucky bra! He is worth every wire sticking into my rib cage!

-There is something I need to tell you, dad wanted to but I won the coin toss!

-I’m cautiously optimistic

-children is god’s way of punishing us for having sex

-It was golden!

-A whole lot of ugly from a never ending parade of stupid

-I fell like my eyelids are fat

-I peed on the puppy pad, I thoughts that’s what you wanted

-Sarah’s a killer! Look at this star fish!

-I’m I screaming!?!

You just have to believe sometimes

-It’s there problem not mine

-I’m not a free bleeder
-You are when you drink

-If I wake up and it says something in another language I’ll know it’s you!

-There brain ninjas…I’m a terrorist

-Your four o’clock drunk at 8:30

-My eyeballs feel like there gonna pop out of my head

-I hear that

-I’m king triton

-I’m not just one I’m two and one

-Are these mailbox numbers I love them!

-I don’t need a knife

-I’m going vegetarian slash lesbian

-He could hurt me if he wanted to

-I think it taste funny…it might be the vodka though

-Keisha theres gonna be a surprise party don’t let anyone fool you

-Is it a pizza roll

-Whatever cranks your tractor

-Apples! What the hell!?!

-Are they peach, apple or plastic?

-Sarah your not trying hard enough

-This ain’t spanking Robby it’s fire

-I dont get to look at it at home……please (Whitney talking about looking at porn)

-how can something with such little ears have such bionic hearing!?

-Doctors appointments is like marriage it’s an unpleasant commitment

-This is like probable cause on wheels!

-I know your having a disturbingly difficult time with this

-If anyone is going to ruin my sons wedding it’s me!

-If you play in the weeds your gonna get ticks

-That’s rope music! It makes you want to hang yourself

-I’m not particularly listening

-You hit me
-I was trying to save you!?!

-Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kinda falls into place -Jennifer Aniston

-I have a certain set of skills I have acquired over the years

-how’s the wife
-still in charge

-I believe you but it isn’t going to save you

-To let true love remain unspoken is the quickest route to a heavy heart. –Warren Peace

-A dollar and a dream

– I don’t know what I was saying I hadn’t had lunch yet

-did you practice that?
-with hand gestures but I dropped those

-Your whistling in the wind

-let’s get to the rat killing

-you have to be a man first to be a gentlemen

-Keep this shut tighter than a nuns knees

-be careful I just might show you what’s behind the curtain

-She drinks whiskey from a tea cup

-they tiptoe around me like someone died

-I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate

-where are you going?
-a little place called shut up and stay here

-She can’t drink out of a cup! She’s gotta use a straw or she’d drown

-girls don’t take sons from there mothers
-yes they do that’s why we marry them!

-you ever take a drink of something and expect something else it

-all magic comes with a price

-love is the most powerful kind of magic as cliche as that sounds

-kisses can be very powerful don’t you read fairy tales

-despite what you’d hoped I’m still a monster
-that’s exactly why I must stay

-ain’t worth a snap!

-I think he is obsessed it’s sorta worrisome

-there are lines even we shouldn’t cross

-love has killed more than anything else

-isn’t that what life’s about holding on to good memories

-it’s the most powerful magic in the world that can break any curse but it must be protected

-I saved some for a rainy day
-well it’s storming like a bitch

-you have a bad day!

-it’s a doorway right? Doors open from both sides

-his brain is a bag full of cats you can smell crazy on him

-his secrets have secrets

-it cant be a gift it was mine to start with

-I see it now you are your mothers child

-I’m not going to kill you but I’m not going to save you either

-yes because you ruin everything your reptilian hands touch

-I try so hard
-maybe that’s the problem!

-sometimes you don’t have a choice

-anybody know how many bullets that psycho put in this gun? I sure don’t!

-why did you drive down here?
-why’d you leave that brazen message on my answering machine

-she said your a horn dog like your father

-I have a beach in front of my house do you know what gathers there? Bikinis! Do you know what they put in bikinis!?!

-I lied that’s a big part of being positive!

-we got some rough sledding in front of us

-I go through them like a saw trough a sick calf

-how does someone so big move so quiet!

-there are a lot on mines on this footpath

-tore up worse than a poor mans shoe

-do I look like a dog? ‘Cause only dogs want bones

-what the ho ho heck do you think your doing

-Sexier than socks on a rooster!

-I couldn’t find you guys so I bought six new friends…sadly three of them are dead (talking about beer)

-Yes the common cold like everyone else! You’d love that wouldn’t you!

-Oh sugar pie!

-What are you doing? Breaking into a woman’s apartment to clean?!?

-A well known folk lore cure  for insomnia is breaking into your neighbors apartment and clean!

-She asked me a question I should probably nod (thinking to himself)

-What’s wrong with him?
-He broke up with his imaginary girlfriend!

(Demonstrating how she hugged him)
-is that her perfume I smell? ( as he hugs him)
-yes intoxicating isn’t it?

-are you okay?
-did you spill ketchup?
-then no

-If a guy has a girlfriend is it cheating if–
-Yeah probably
-Let me finish!?!

-If it helps I have read all the moral authors including Dr. Suess!

-It’s worth noting he died of syphallis

-He is young and valuable and you are old enough to be his ancestor!

-Dear there is a gentleman here asking for your hand in marriage!?!
-Oh glory day now I won’t have to spend my dowry on pills and alcohol to numb the loneliness

-I want my life to be like an 80’s movie  preferably with a random musical number for no apparent reason

-it was a butter knife but you know what they say it’s a gate way knife

-I’m not judging you… but oh my God!

-I’ve gotten a lot of hugs today

-I unwittingly just sought advice from the father of my lynch mob

-you know nothing your saying is making me feel better

-we have a problem and when I say problem I mean global issue problem!

-sometimes you have to wear uncomfortable heels to fit in

-To risk another frown line on an already very crowded forehead

-why I’d fight me!

-we can’t do this we have to stay united! She will break you! She will break us! So no I am not going to fight you!

-if it was a choice it wouldn’t be a curse now would it?

-You look like you have a Grandaddy long leg on your head!

-I get it the guy raised bunnies and grew rainbows!

-The janitor inside me is turning off all the lights

-love and hate are horns on the same goat! And dear you need a goat!

-he’s a dirty trash can full of poop!

-Is that the only song you know?
-Yeah pretty much want to hear it again

-your going down snowflake!

-if you think I am going to allow a sex predator in a uniform into my house you have another thing coming! ( talking about instillation guy)

-civilians can’t know about magic…that would be complicated

-You need to keep a low profile
-Say’s that guy in the 550 year old raw hide trench coat…

-Left with nothing but some prescription grade abandonment issues

-I have never heard if by of those bags which is a good indicator that they are cool

-Love is a distraction

-It’s not very classy but there you go..

-Oh you are the most dreadful lier

-Some part of you no matter how small shares the same blood

-Magic is not a game! No short cuts!

-I’m convinced you exist to make my life a living hell!

-You looked more distressed than usual

-Big dramatic answer

-We heard thunder and saw lightning but there was no storm…this was a battle

-The outcome is doubtful? What does that mean?

-It will actually be kinda nice to be in a fox hole again

-I’m at peace with it…but I’m pissed

-You can’t be a sissy all your life

-Your wife started saving you money yet by hitting all those sales yet?

-How did you see that?
-Because I was looking for it

-The little details are by far the most important

-we call it a fugg party…it sounds really rude doesn’t it (talking about a fake ugg party)

-boy don’t you know in polite society it is appropriate to lie

-mister your grounded until you die!

-Ahh pa’ can’t I just look at the pretty man?

-All donations will be accepted (talking about sea shells)
-Shes the salvation army of shells

-Slicker than snot on a porcelain door knob!

-There is three things I know. Never mess with mother nature, mother in-laws, or mother freakin’ Ukrainians

– I didn’t even know this place existed
-it doesn’t

– this is a file number you need to visit the back room. You get to meet the record keeper.

-Martin died two years ago in a fire
-Martin has died many times

-why are you trying to kill me?
-Why would I be  trying to kill you?
-Because last time I saw you I was trying to kill you!

-I know this great place just up the road…lots of alligators

-You smell like Washington! She’s one of them!

-People get shot all the time
-No people get paper cuts
-I mostly get shot!?!

-I have known him for years and I have never seen him act like this. If you break his heart I will kill you and burry your body in the woods

-What are we looking at?
-95 pound of CF explosive  on a hair trigger…choose your wire carefully
(talking about a girl)

-He cut both wires….

-How much until you don’t see this…

-That’s not cute…your not cute

-How did you even get up there? Your legs are like four inches long!?!

-95 pounds of C4 explosives on a hair trigger…your in the hurt locker now!

-I like you and your different and a horribly bad mime

-your alone tonight that makes sense…

(farts)
-you love my scent
-not that scent!!!

-Your late..what happened to you?
-she stayed over at my apartment last night
(everyone stops and stares)
-I slept on the couch
-until I woke her up with my African rain stick

(cell phone rings)
-I got to get that!
(takes it away from her)
-that’s not fair!
(takes phone and put it in the refrigerator)
-no cell phones!
-it could be important!
-no cellphone

-How reliable is your alarm clock?

-That was brand with a donut…a brand donuts!

-You must pay for everything in this world one way or another…nothing in this world is free

-I admire your sand

– In your four years as a us marshal have you shot?
-Shot or killed?

-You said your where backing up what direction where you going?
-Well normally I go back

-They tell me your a man with true grit

-Baby  Sister

-I just came from–
-We have no rodeo clowns

-You give out little sugar with your pronouncements

-Wait a minute are we trading again?

-No mam’ I’m not suppose to utter your name!

-that’s so, so, so…
-when you come up with an adjective  text me

-are you even listening to me?
-yes blah blah hopeless delusion involving  (girls name) blah blah

-I’m a pretty smart guy and my brain has debs on the blood supply…so give it a go (talking after sex)

-I don’t know if I could be friends if we broke up
-you couldn’t
-I’m a very revengeful person

-that’s kinda hard to do when your being a tool bag!

-I hold a grudge like a nun

-you know the wedding starts at three? You have been getting ready since before dawn they’ll probably be divorced by the time we get there!

-I love my family but you guys actually talk to each other and I find that interesting…

-there will be wine, women, and haunting images you don’t be able to forget until your death

-more widow casserole. Hey your husband just died here’s some food

-your daughter likes my shirt
-and my daughters nine

-I’d kiss you on the lips but your breath is very bad this morning

-I’ve heard losing a loved one is like an amputee patient learning to live without their limb

-When you get the answer your looking for you hang up!

-I remember my first fight with (wife’s name)
-who won?
-I brought a knife to a gun fight

-this is gonna set the tone for every fight for the rest of your life!

-just crush all of his ideas you’ll thank me later

-I’m here. I’m starving.

-I have this colorblind thing I see colors I just don’t care

-learn to accept losing over and over again…like the clippers

-there is a new sheriff in town…sheriff balls!

-The pillow is zapping my will to live!

-Mom smokes in the car…Jesus is okay with it but we can’t tell dad!

-your my girlfriend and you aren’t going to cater to my every whim? Where did the magic go?

-my shrink just killed himself and blamed me in his note

-I’m sure someone in the Downer party said the snow would stop to…I like to think they ate him first

-I can go so slow it will be like there is a snail in your mouth
-Ewwwww! Its a good thing there is nothing else to do!

-He’s sad!
-He’s crazy! It’s meant to look like that to draw you back in!

-of course you get a card! It’s (name) day!

-I wonder if we will run into Steve
-who’s Steve?
-The raccoon I feed him sometimes

-I’m not gay but this look like Thor!

-Sometimes when I get mad at you I turn the poundage up on your scale

-You should have just read my diary
-That’s where we drew the line…we couldn’t find it!

-I’m a total wuss that raccoon kicked my ass!

-And I’m sad Ozzy got fat and stupid but thats life live with it

-This is the most exciting thing that was happened to me!! Is that sad?

-people who get married are not to be trusted

-it’s ringing
-that’s pretty standard

-I had the dentist pen!

-you tell me this in home depo so I won’t make a scene?

-We have a stage four bromance on our hands!

-No and stop installing suggestion boxes everywhere!

-yes that’s what I think and I’m super smart so it must be right

-no what you see is a man trembling with confidence

-it’s not going to happen we had a meeting

-God invented match.com for one reason…me!

-We are going to settle this like gentlemen or I’m gonna poison his tea whichever works

– I could be wrong, I’m not, but I could be

-it’s not for money just for dads pride (talking about pools and contest)

-you said I’m boring my gun has two barrels it was very hard to make…

-Embark the vehicle!!!

-it’s a lot of conflicting emotions!

-He kept his mouth to himself, but his hands were like Starbucks. They were everywhere.

-bad news is your pipes are leaking good news is the pond in you basement is drowning the slower fatter rats…bad news the faster smaller rats are heading this way

-the buicks out of the garage (talking about a guys fly being down)

-your shaking!
-of course I’m shaking I’m having a heart attack!

-you look like a clown that got kicked out of the circus

-ah memory impairment, the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle

-hang in here like a hair in a biscuit

-there is a reason sky divers pack two parachutes